Hello...good morning from India!
Its still 6.24 am here, and the weather is just cold enough to get back under the blanket, but well, here i am, typing on how i feel on my beloved tab. How are u readers? For me, i feel a bit down today. Well, i am about to say the reason why, in my following writings, but basically, its about my biggest dream to finally land in US.
Hmmm...i am now in the selection process of a 6 months training of nuclear weapon and laboratory safety in US. I submitted my application by April 28 and i did get a reply from the committee that they have received my documents. The training will be held on August and for sure the announcement will be before that. Going to US has been my greatest and wildest dream ever. So, ive been praying for this dream ever since i hit the SEND button to send the document.
United. States of America, in my eyes, is the land of chance. It is the place where people can justhave a big enoigh dream and a hardwork, then everything is done. It is the place where therebis no discrimination on people hope. As long as u hope, and u work hard on it, u will get it. Well, maybe this kind of perception is coming from many US movies that i watch along my life, but really, i look at US as the land of chance. It is also a place where people will not look behind your shoulder and judge u on the things which is unrelated. The place where i need to GROW.
I remembered in 2012 i applied for the scholarship to India. There were about 500 candidates and only 20 candidates will be selected. At that time, i felt very very small about myself because i am just too old to apply for a master degree. At that time, i was just trying hard so they will call me for interview so they can see how eager i am as a person and i deserve the get the chance to study despite of my age. And they did call me and in that interview session, i knew i just impressed them and yes, i got this scholarship. I got selected among 500 of indonesians and fly to India.
The same feeling i feel right now. This fellowship to US is ONLY for two women from Indonesia. I dont know how many of them apply, but i am sure there must be better candidate than me. Well, this is US, this is not India. This is only for TWO candidates instead of twenty, and i am just two years older than i was in 2012. Plus, there will be no inteview on this competition, so basically, i can not show how eager i am as a person and they should give me a chance.
And...this morning, i just dreamed that i didnt get it. A second dream i got of the same theme. So, it started to disturbing me.
Ah, i just need them to see me in person instead of just based on my document. I just want them to see how hardworking person i am. I may not be a genious in nuclear, for sure, but i am ready to work hard to achieve what i need to accomplish. And everyday, everyday, i walk to my college in India carrying a bag with American flag, just to put that all my academical dream will end in that country. I really really want to land in US for study, even if it is just six months.
I do have strong points on this competition.
One, Active English Skill
Yes, my toefl score is 578, and with the education in India, i think i may get higher a few points. I do improve my English here.
Two, I Study Chemistry
Of course, its about chemistry and i am just on the right track.
Three, I am a lecturer of chemistry education
That means to say that once i absorb the knowledge, i am the most effective domino effect they can expect. Because teacjing one NURUL KASYFITA is not just teaching one person, but with her teaching skill, it wil be teaching more than 1,000,000 students.
Four, American friends
I have some American friends, and i do think i am getting along well with them. So, if only the committe would like to contact them as my reference, i am sur they will find out that i deserve to get this chance.
However, i realize my weak point as well. And this what makes me feel very very small.
One, i am still finishing my master degree
Well, this is one of my worry. Even i already attached a document of recommendation from my chairman saying that i will be finishing the course by June 2014, this matter will be one of the consideration of the committee. And there must be better candidate with a doctoral degree whom is so much ready to fly.
Two, i am still in India
Even i try hard to fly back home in July so that if i got selected i will be ready to fly to US embassy for visa administration, it still makes me worry that the committee will see this as an obstacle for me to join the training.
Three, my research is NOT about nuclear
Because this competition is based on their judgement only on document, this makes me hopeless. They need to see me in person and decide that i deserve this chance. I know i can convince them if they see me in person, but what can i do, document is the only thing that represent ME in front of the committee.
Four, my program is mostly about education NOT about pure chemistry
In this fellowship, candidates need to write two essays on what programs they are going to apply as they back to their country. And as i have Master of Education before, i concern more on the campaign on nuclear weapon to the generation of tomorrow. This of course is just a simple program, not sophisticated enough, and for sure there will be some better candidates with better program. Aggghhh,,,, i just really want this!
Fiuhh. And the dream is just ignoring me this morning. Suddenly i feel sad and down about it. I know, this is very very small chance, only two women from Indonesia will be selected and there must be better candidate than me. I know, i know, this is US, not India anymore, it is tougher and harder of course, but i really really dont want to stop hoping.
As this is the land of chance in my eyes, i really really hope my document will be good enough for the committee to give me a chance. Please, anyone of u who read this, please cross your finger for me. Pls say a little prayer that i will be one of those two candidates. Pls, i really beg u on this.
Sometimes i jusg hope one of the committee member is just GOOGLE up my name, NURUL KASYFITA, and found this blog of writing, and see how eager i am to study in US. And that they need to give me that chance. The second chance to study in US!
God, pls let me be one of those two. Pls allow me to be the selected candidates. Pls, allow me to fly and land in US. Pls, pls, dear God, i never want anything in my life, as much as i want this. May YOU grants my wish. Amin.
A prayer, a hope,
Nurul Kasyfita
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