The Silent Goodbye

It was in a slow breeze evening. Ellen was sitting near her window, waiting for him, Vincent, the guy who has been around these three months. They were about leaving for dinner, the last dinner they may have in this world. Both of them are students, and they wer about to leave. She realized how she and Vincent are separated by the passport color. How she and Vincent will never ever be together. She bites her lips, the lips that Vincent said as beautiful lips. She realized how bitter a goodbye could be after having Vincent around these three months. She realized that she involves her feeling while Vincent doesnt. She realized that her hearts is so fragile that even when the first time Vincent hugged her, she could not do anything but just being rembel and shaking. The fear of allowing a new man to touch her after all the hurt she felt in her past. She bite and bite her lips. As hard as she could, try to send the tears away on her eyes.

7.15. Vincent was still not arrive. She looked down her window many times, showing the restlessness of a woman waiting for her date. She touched the gift she neatly wrapped for Vincent. It was a keychain she specially ordered for him. It has Vincent picture alone, that she collected from his facebook account. She remembered how hard she struggle for this keychain. She went all over the city to get the best result of printing. She changed to many shops till she got the best one and yet the shop was very late go produce it, so she rode her bike late at night, to make sure the keychain will be ready for the dinner tonight. How she put Vincemt as her priority, even how much Vincent has let her down. There were many days during these three months that this beloved man of hers just silent even she was struggling with her pain. There were many un fulfilled promises. There were many "ill call u later" or "i will come to u later" which turns out to be empty. And Vincent was just a guy who asked her to take it easy, even how nard it is for her. But again, as she was hopelessly in love with him, she was just the easy target of Vincent, the prince charming who happens to know how to melt her protection down and stepped into her life.

7.35 pm. He was there, parking his bike. Ellen sighed even deeper. She can even smell his perfume even he still not climb to her window. She opened the door with the miss of a woman. Vincent looked at her, and as usual, said that she looked amazing. Elen blushed, look how Vincent could always wins her heart.

"Ready?" he said. Ellen just nodded awkwardly. It always happens in minimum first 15 minutes Vincent around her. She couldnt control herself, butterfly was inside her stomach, and she couldnt cover the shyness that she has in front of this man. Then Vincent was busy explaining to her that he needed to buy many things for his friend on the way to dinner place.

Ellen bit her lips again. "again, it is your friends who is more important than me. It is them, who u put first. Even this wil be our last time to be together. Cant u see, i need to talk to u? I need to see your face and remember our memory together? I need to sit in park with u, or enjoying the evening breeze together. Cant u make time for me, at this last day?". Those conversation was only in her busy mind. She could never say it to Vincent. She just nodded and agreed on what he said.

Vincent held her hand. "but my dear, we will be togetehr for long time tonight. U can go wherever u want, and my time is leisure for u tonight".

Ellen blinked. She was flying to heaven. "yay! He will have time for me tonight". There was again hope in her eyes. She felt so happy that Vincent would make time for her. They went to the dinner place, and Ellen's heart was singing all over the way. She dreamed that they will sit and talk, remembering the memory they had during these three months.

They sat at the table. It was a cozy restaurant. They ordered and while waiting, Ellen put the nicely wrapped gift to Vincent. It was a small box with a letter. Vincent opened it up, and found the keychain. Ellen looked at his eyes, trying to find the slightest joy there.

Vincent looked at her with his deep sharp eyes Ellen always admired. "thank u dear".

And the dinner went well. Vincent ate in hurry, as he wanted to buy the stuff for his friends. Ellen bite her lips agan as they even didnt look at each other as Vincent was tok busy to finish his meal so he can run for his fruends stuff soon. Ellen wanted to enjoy the moment. She wanted to talk, listened to the music, looked at Vincent's face. But no, that was not what happened. Vincent was too busy to eat, that he could not even look at Ellen's eyes. And she was just silently finish her dinner.

She stil wanted to enjoy the dessert, as Vincent hurrily back to the seat after he went to the rest room.

"lets go". He said.

Ellen said "but i still want to enjoy the dessert".

"it will be late, it is nine pm already. The shop will close".

Ellen swallowed her disappointment. "Time, thats all i ask, Vincent. Time. But for u, it must be the toughest thing to do, plus, it maybe the most expensive one that u have in this world".

They ran to the shop. He was busy loading the stuff for his friends, while Ellen just stood in tne corner. She could not understand why she can love this man so deeply. Isnt it love supposed to make u happy? Then why what she felt was only a dream high then falling down to earth? Was it her mistake?

They ran to bike. Vincent was still busy taking his friend call during the way. He didnt even look at Ellen's eyes, thise eyes which tears in back of him, thinking why the man she love so much could not just pause from his friend and looked how those eyes really miss him and just need some TIME to talk. But Ellen was silent. She just sat behind him, and realized that the dinnershe hoped to be a good time to talk to him turned out to be the silence goodbye she ever felt.

Approaching her home, Vincent slowed down the bike. He pulled Ellen's hand and said how much he enjoyed being with her. Ellen felt the vibration in her heart. The drum started beating in it. She could not reject the fact that she will always love him. No matter what he did, she forgives. She closed her eyes, the eyes that Vincent doesnt even have time to look at tonight. The eyes that tears along the nights Vincent promised but never fulfilled it. She forgives him.

They arrived. Ellen tried her last effort with the shyness of a girl.

"please come upstair". She did it with all her force that she could. It was not easy for a girl to ask a man just like that. And Ellen was not a girl who changes man everytime. She is not that girl. She is just a girl with a true heart. True felling. And even how unfair life treating her, she is the untouchable. She didnt change even a bit. She still warm, kind hearted, the one wihich is free from hatred.

Vincent rejected her. She was torned. The voice of "we will have long time tonight" keep playing ovr and over in her head. She tried to hold the tears. She bite again her lips. Thats was the only method that she could understand to overcome the bitterness.

She ran to upstair. She sat on the rooftop. She still hoped Vincent will come after her and minimum talked to her. But no. He continued his bike, and he just looked at her from far away. Before finally, he vanished.

Her eyes were wet. She blinked. The only word she could say was "come back, come back". As if Vincent will listen to it. She was torned. She was wrecked like a Titamnic hit the stone in Atlantic sea. She starred on that road, hoped Vincent, her beloved man, will be back to her house, climbed upstair, and hugged her for the last time. But no, that was the goodbye. That was the sioent goodbye, Vincent ever gave to her. Her pretty lips, as Vincent could only said "come back, come back", but he never come back. It was nothing but just an empty silent road, as silent as her heart.

Ellen ran down to her room. She could not finish this by a holding hand on street. It was not supposed to be. She needs to talk, she needs a hug, as bad as she could. But she realized that a man could be heartless. That he can just walk away and left the woman all in nothing but emptiness. This is a goodbye, for God sake. She still whispered "come back, come back", just like how Rose called Jack's name in Titanic. But nothing happened. Not a knock on her door, not even a phone call from Vincent saying goodbye or how bad he feels of leaving Ellen in such a way. He knew her number, he could just call her, and said it to make her feel better, but Ellen could see how he just doesnt care of Ellen.

She sobbed and sobbed, her tears ran down like a fountain. She grabbed her pillow just to transfer the pain which is un transferrable. Until finally, she fell asleep, with tears on her eyes. All she needed was time. Time to talk, time to share memories. She dreamed about Vincent's first visit. How he pursued her. How he made time for her. It was in the beginning, so Ellen was just confuse of how easy Vincent changed. How easy he said something that he just wouldnt do. How easy to broke a promise.

She huggef her pillow, slept. And all she can feel is only emptiness. As empty as it could be, from a silemt goodbye. Cold, empty...

Enjoy!

Prove Them Wrong!

Hello readers.

Masih pagi di Mysore, saya baru sekesai shalat subuh. Seperti biasa meskipun saat ini saya sdh tdk ada kewajiban untuk bangun pagi dan siap siap ke kampus, tpi mata saya bukan tipe pengantuk, srhingga meskipun saat ini masih jam 6.23 am, saya ingin menulis nih!

Kali ini tentang pembuktian. Saat ini saya sudah menyelesaikan Master of. Science Chemistry saya di India. Nama saya sekarang Nurul Kasyfita, M.Pd, M.Sc Chem. Panjang ya, hehe, itu pun saya masih belum akan berhenti. Saya akan terus mencari jalan untuk sekolah. Saya madih ingin gelar itu bertambah menjadi Ph.D bahkan hingga Prof. Mhn doanya yaa readers agar saya bisa mencapai semua yg saya cita citakan di pendidikan. Amiin.

Sigh. Saya teringat dua thn yg lalu. Saya berangkat ke India dengan pedih. Saya tdk bisa memeluk Najwa utk terakhir kalinya saat itu akibat perceraian saya. Saya hanya bisa memeluk anak adik saya, yg saya bayangkan sbg Najwa. Hujatan demi hujatan mengalir ke saya saat itu. Tidak pernah saya bayangkan, Juli 2012, jalan hidup saya berputar arah ke India. Saat itu, saya tentu saja khawatir. Khawatir tidak bisa survive di negara lain. Wajar saja, otak saya dipenuhi derita kehilangan anak, perceraian, orang orang yg menggosipkan saya, bagaimana mungkin saya bisa tetap belajar kimia, yg tentu tidak sederhana, di negara asing, negara berkembang, yg saya dengar kehidupannya sangat keras? Belajar dalam bahasa Inggris dengan otak yg sdh penuh dengan derita kehilangan anak. Bagaimana mungkin saya survive?

Perlu Anda tahu, sebelum saya berangkat, saya sempat menemui dia yg pernah menjadi teman hidup saya selama tujuh thn. Saat itu, saya jatuh di kakinya memohon agar Najwa bisa ikut mengantar saya ke Sepinggan Airport Balikpapan. Tentu ia menolak. Dan saya tdk habis pikir saat itu. Tidak adakah satu kebaikan saya yg pernah berbekas di hatinya sehingga minimal utk even setitik kebaikan itu, i deserve to hug Najwa. Tapi tentu saja tidak, readers. Ini hidup, bukan dongeng. Bukan film dimana idealisme berjalan sesuai kehendak sutradara. Dan saya hanya seorang perempuan lemah yg tdk mampu berjuang utk anak saya sendiri. Saat itu pula, ia, melontarkan kalimat bahwa "kau tdk akan mampu menyelesaikan sekolahmu. Kau akan pulang dengan satu hal. Gagal." Dan rupanya baginya tdk ada setitik kebaikan saya yg mampu merubah hatinya utk memeluk anak saya. Sekali lagi, ini hidup, bukan film.

Saya hanya mampu melangkah gontai saat itu. Yah mungkin ya, saya akan gagal. Itu pikiran saya. Bagaimana mungkin otak saya mampu berpikir waras di tengah prahara yg melanda saya? Ini kimia, bung, bukan main main apa yg akan saya hadapi di India. Tapi apa ada jalan yg lebih baik dari ini? Saat itu, saya hanya punya dua pilihan, stay di Samarinda menelan semua hinaan, hujatan, menjadi janda dan tidak sekolah. Or...lari ke India, sembunyi, sambil sekolah, tetap menjadi janda, tapi masih ada harapan untuk meraih gelar master kedua saya. So, tidak ada salahnya saya mencoba meraih gelar selain cuma janda, bukan? Dan resiko yg saya hadapi tidak main main, jika saya meninggalkan study di tengah jalan, saya harus mengganti seluruh pengeluaran dari pemerintah India. Ah, betapa berat hidup saat itu.

Dan...saya berangkat. Dengan dua koper dan satu ransel di bahu, dua thn lalu, Nurul Kasyfita berangkat. Dengan luka. Tidak berhenti air mata saya mengalir saat itu. Bahkan saya yg takut terbang saat itu, hanya bisa pasrah saat pesawat airasia yg membawa saya terbang berjam jam dari Balikpapan, Kuala Lumpur, dan mendarat di Bangalore, India. Saya hanya tahu saya tidak punya pilihan lain selain lari ke negara ini. Sehingga apapun ketakutan saya saat itu, saya terjang, saya lawan, saya seperti seorang yg tdk bisa berenang, lalu tiba tiba saya dilempar nakhoda dari kapal yg saya tumpangi dan saya harus berenang di samudera luas. Sendirian. Saya yg panik saat itu mencoba meraih apapun yg saya bisa utk ttp terapung. Beruntung, yg disodorkan Allah saat itu adalah sebuah tawaran beasiswa, yg tidak membawa saya ke jalan yg lebih buruk. Ah, betapa Allah Maha Baik pada saya.

So, India awalnya cuma proyek sakit hati. Proyek membawa hati yg luka. Jujur, ilmu kimia saya cetek bgt. Saya tdk tahu apapun dalam ilmu ini dan tentu bukan hal mudah utk survive dg kondisi saya. Ah, saya msh ingat saat awal saya tiba. Saya tidak bisa makan krn semua ber bau masala. Saya kaget dengan cuaca mysore yg super brrr hingga asma saya beberapa kali kambuh. Ditambah lagi saat saya tiba, saya ditampung oleh sesama WNI yg tdk punya cukup kamar, jadilah saya tidur di lantai dingin beralas tikar, dan kecoak tengik dari dapur yg selalu melewati wajah saya saat saya tidur. :-). What a story!

Hampir seminggu saya habiskan dengan kondisi spt itu hingga saya mendapat rumah. Saya membeli kasur bekas. Saat itu pun saya hanya mengandalkan kaki utk berjalan kesana kemari krn belum punya motor. Hingga sol sepatu saya copot saat itu hehe. Awal bertemu chairman kimia pun, saya kagok dengan bahasa inggris ala india yg super cepet. Dan tentu dengan style India yg tidak seramah western. Alamak, mereka super kaku! Sangat berbeda dg style inggris saya yg mostly influenced by US.

Ah, betapa hidup mendewasakan saya. Awal masuk kelas, saya ternyata ug tertua disini. Saingan saya rata rata berumur 21 th. Can u imagine that? Saya yg sdh 31 saat itu, saingan dg mereka yg 10 th lebih fresh dari saya. Hehe, but do i hve another choice? No, BIG NO! Pilihan saya cuma satu, belajar. Karena menjadi janda dan meraih M.Sc Chemistry itu JAUH LEBIH KEREN daripada cuma sekedar menjadi janda. Itu semangat saya.

Dan well, well, meskipun saya collaps berkali kali karena tidak bisa makan akibat kerinduan saya dg Najwa, saya BERHASIL. Ipk saya di atas 80% disini. Yes, saya memang bukan yg terpintar di kelas. Tapi saya berhasil melewati semua ujian, dengan nilai rata rata di atas 80%. Otak saya seperti orang gila yg setiap mlm terisak, mengigau menangis mencari anak saya, namun esok paginya siap dipakai utk belajar kembali. Saya menghafal dalam bahasa inggris, menjawab pertanyaan professor bahkan bertanya jika ada yg kurang saya pahami. Kerinduan pada Najwa saya tuangkan dalam doa. Doa. Itu yg menemani saya di India.

Untuk saya, ini bukan sekedar M.Sc Chemistry. Ini bukan sekedar master. Ini pintu saya menuju dunia luar. Saya bisa melamar banyak hal dengan ijazah yg saya miliki sekarang. Terakhir saya melamar fellowship training nuklir ke Amrik, yg meskipun ditolak, setidaknya saya telah berani mencoba, bukan? Saya punya modal utk mencoba. Saya punya ijazah dari India. Lalu saat ini, saya juga sedang mencari peluang ke negara lain untuk doktoral saya. Pasti, jika saya tidak memutuskan berangkat dua thn lalu, says tetap menjadi janda. Namun dengan sekolah ini, saya janda tapi juga memiliki ijazah utk mencoba ke negara lain. Isnt it better?

Di halaman awal tesis saya, tertuang sebaris kalimat yg banyak ditanyakan orang orang yg membacanya.

It says TO THOSE WHO I CAN NOT HAVE, TO THOSE WHO SAID I COULDNT
THANKING U FOR THE CHANCE
TO PROVE THAT U ARE WRONG

Tidak seperti teman teman lain yg menulis to my beloved parents or teacher, or family, saya menulis itu utk tesis saya. Ya, ini adalah pembuktian. Saya menunjukkan padanya, yg dua thn lalu berkata saya akan gagal, bahwa HE IS WRONG. Saya berhasil. Ini adalah kekuatan seorang wanita utk bertahan dengan kesakitan yg ditimpakan seorang laki laki padanya. Laki laki mungkin mampu menyakiti dan saya hanya wanita yg tdk akan mampu menyakiti balik, halah, seberapa sih kekuatan saya? Tapi jangan remehkan kesabaran, ketegaran seorang wanita. Kami tidak akan mampu menyakitimu wahai lelaki, tapi kami mampu bertahan. Dan itu yg mantan istrimu lakukan selama dua thn. Bertahan.

So, dengan hati yg masih perih tentunya, saya menjabat tangan chairman yg menyerahkan dokumen saya. Selembar kertas yg menjadi bukti, saya tidak mati, saya masih hidup di India, saya berhasil belajar berenang di tengah samudera luas. Well, saya memang belum mencapai daratan, dan saya sdh tidak berharap utk berkeluarga lagi. Yg saya tahu, saya akan terus sekolah. Sekolah itu morfin bagi saya. Itu the most effective pain killer. Saya menolak beasiswa saat saya memutuskan menikahinya di 2005, dan mencoba berkompromi dengannya hingga bertahun tahun, saat ini saya adalah untuk saya sendiri. Saya tdk membiarkan siapa pun menghalangi saya. Kompromi konyol itu cukup. Saya akan melamar ke negara manapun yg menerima saya selanjutnya dan menjadikan itu rumah saya. Lemari pakaian saya hanya dua koper ini, dan harta saya hanya ilmu yg di otak saya dan saya tidak punya kasur. Kasur saya berpindah pindah dari kamar hotel, kamar kos hingga saya kembali membeli kasur bekas di negara berikutnya. Hidup hanyalah sebuah petualangan mrncari ilmu bagi saya. Definitey, saya bukanlah family item, tapi saya insya Allah education item.

Well readers. Jika saat ini Anda diragukan, dihina, dihujat, percayalah, bersyukurlah, itu adalah kesempatan untuk menujukkan mereka salah. Siapa pun yg menghujat Anda, prove them wrong. Tidak perlu banyak bicara, cukup Anda tunjukkan bahwa apapun yg mereka katakan tentang Anda, it is wrong. Kadang kadang, seekor ayam perlu tuli utk tdk mendengar apapun yg dikatakan binatang lain padanya bahwa ia bukan burung dan tak bisa terbang, karena dengan ketulian itu, akhirnya si ayam bisa terbang. It is healthy to be deaf and stubborn sometimes. It is.

Dan saya menunjukkan itu. Nurul Kasyfita mungkin bukan seorang wanita dengan kisah cinderella yg super bahagia. Nurul Kasyfita mungkin cuma seorang wanita gagal dalam rumah tangga dan sedang berusaha mengalihkan perihnya dengan sekolah. Tapi Nurul Kasyfita pastinya adalah pelajaran tentang ketegaran, pelajaran tentang survival. Pelajaran tentang bagaimana merubah nasi yg menjadi bubur menjadi bubur ayam yg masih bisa dinikmati. Hidup tidak selalu ramah, itu pasti. Selalu ada orang yg siap menyakiti. Yang meragukan, yg menghujat. Tidak perlu membalas, cukup prove them wrong, prove them wrong!

Tapi ini bukan pelarian. Saya benar benar menikmati proses meraih ilmu. Saat ilmu terserap di otak saya, itu seperti morfin yg meredakan kesakitan saya. Percayalah, menjadi lebih pintar itu membahagiakan. Anda akan kaget betapa ilmu jauh mengubah Anda, percayalah.

Dan saat ini, wanita yg dua tahun lalu pingsan di parkiran, lalu uangnya dicopet, lalu menangis di kaki mantan suaminya, memohon untuk bisa bertemu anaknya, wanita itu akan pulang. Bukan dengan GAGAL seperti yg pernah dikatakan laki laki itu dan banyak org lainnya. Tapi dengan IJAZAH. Ijazah dengan IPK di atas 80%. Wanita itu bukan pribadi yg sama seperti dua thn lalu, ia kini lebih matang, lebih dewasa, lebih kuat. Ia tidak tumbuh menjadi wanita pahit yg penuh dengan dendam karena jalan hidup yg dijalani begitu pedih. Ia tetap wanita hangat, penuh canda, ramah, santai, masih bahagia jika melihat seorang bayi dipeluk ibunya, masih bahagia melihat pasangan yg jatuh cinta, tidak, hidup tidak merubahnya menjadi wanita menyedihkan. Ia masih sama, namun ia lebih kuat saat ini. Bahkan ia membuktikan bahwa India memperlakukannya dengan ramah. Begitu banyak pelukan yg diterimanya kemarin dari teman teman, petugas lab, orang orang yg begitu menyayangi Nurul Kasyfita dan akan merindukan kekonyolan kekonyolannya. Tidak, saya tidak berubah menjadi wanita penyihir dengan segala kedengkian di hati saya. Saya bahagia, meskipun saya mendapat begitu sedikit dalam hidup, saya masih bisa berbahagia dengan yg sedikit itu dan tidak iri dengan apapun yg didapatkan org lain dlm hidupnya. Saya percaya Allah membahagiakan saya dengan ilmu.

She is still a lover, a fun character, but at the same time, she is now also...
A FIGHTER.

Prove them wrong, prove them wrong!

Last 11 days in Mysore.

Nurul Kasyfita

The One U Can Not Have

Hi there!

Its midnight in India, but my eyes are fighting towards my brain to write this out of me. I know, i know, i can not sleep unless I release this through writing.

The one u can not have. What a sad title, isnt it? It likes a child who saw a nice toy on the store display but realize that she just doesnt have enough to purchase it. So she just bites her tounge, turns around, and compromises to herself, that she couldnt afford it, no matter how much she wants it. It doesnt mean that she is not good enough to have it, but it just that life destines her not to have it. Its as sad as it is, just to turn around, trying to forget the nice toy.

For us, we come to know that in life, there are too many things that we can not have. Either it is a nice man, a true love, a family, a good career, a small home, a baby, u name it, this is real world where idealism doesnt meet reality. In this type of world, all we can do is just accept what has been given to us and try to be happy with it.

It doesnt mean that u are not good enough, but its just how life treats u. In fact, it shows how good u are in controlling your passion over things. As u can see, many nobel man, mmm, lets say, Gandhi, or even Siddartha Gautama, or some prophets even have the most less, compared to other dirty and sick men in this world. Just see how corruptors are being sufficiently enough, while the honest man lives in poverty.

As for me, even if i can not have it, i will turn around, bite my tounge and try to continue my life accepting what i have. However, i will carry that part inside me along my life. There will always be a moment that i whusper the name or the thing i can not have. Either for a prayer, or just because i hope they will be ok, or somehow i can see them again. Its good enough for me to see it on store display, over and over again, even how bitter it is. Its good enough than trying to continue life forgetting about it. Because my brain is just too sticky with anything i met in my life. I deeply bond myself, even if it is just a pencil in my pencil case. So, even how bitter to see that toy in store display, i will always do it, see it, bite my tounge and turn around, trying to be happy with what i have. The next day, i will be back in front of the store, see it in display, and do exactly the same routine. Its hard for me to let go, even if its painful.

Thats what i really hate about myself. I should learn how to let go. I should release the memory of some things i can not have, because its too much. Like a kite, i should just let it go to fly by the wind. Because thats what it supposed to be. In air, fly freely. Even if i can just look at it from down and hope it will be back.

Call me stupid, but its just amazing even to look at the back of anyone i can not have. Its enough to be sure that they are fine. I am grabbing, even to the most fragile memory of it. I breathe with the assumption that they are there.

The one i can not have. The one i should let go. The one i should control my passion to. The one i should stop dreaming about. The one that i should forgive myself for want it. The one that i should accept that it is not affordable to me.

Fourteen days to go from Mysore now. I am letting go of this country. Its hard because i do hve a good time here. But realize that some things i can not have. I should let go. No matter what.

So to u, the one i can not have. Just trust that i will always pray for u. That i will never forget u and carry u along my life. Even how fragile the memory is, its better than not to hve memory at all.

Sending my best wishes to all the ones i can not have. And hope they are ok, even they will never know i will always whisper their name in my prayer.

The one i can not have. A healthy body. A home. A place to rest. You.

Mysore, 25.06.2014

Still in India.

Nurul Kasyfita

After Happily Ever After

Hi there, good morning!

Still early in Mysore, but my brain needs a little "get away" time. So, here I am, writing to all of u. Sharing a piece of my thought on a bright Sunday morning.

Well...it will be a kind of dark version of the fairy tale that u usually read or hear from. I know, i know, we are all aware of Cinderella, the kind hearted princess that finally gets her true love, and finally marry the Prince Charming, and..based on the book, it says

AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Isnt it?

Well, if i could be the writer of cinderella, please allow me to continue the story a bit. A bit after happily ever after.

A year after the grand wedding party, Cinderella and the Prince still not able to get a baby. There is, of course, some worriness in her heart. Not to mention the Queen who always asks about that. Cinderella also found that she can not get along well with the Queen. There are some fightings between these two women around the prince. The In Law problems.

Meanwhile, the Prince who really wants a baby choose to drink to get away from his desperation. Cinderella gets more and more upset as the Prince charming who she loved so much, turns out to be THE ALCOHOL MONSTER, who just knock the bedroom door and sleep endlessly. No more romance, no more fairy tale.

Cindrella wants to run away from this life she has been dreaming of before. The live in palace is nothing but a jail. One horrible Queen, one alcoholic husband, the "still not come" baby. What a doom!

I still have other version if i could just elaborate more. The prince may have affair. Cinderella may get abused in palace. The queen may separate her and the prince, u name it, anything can happen after happily ever after! Happily ever after is not the end. It is not always the kind hearted gets the excellent return. Yeah, that may happen, IN HEAVEN. Yes, in heaven, where all the idealisms are there. But come on, people, we are in real wild world. Its not the fairy tale inside a bedtime story book. We have witch, monster, dragon, every scary thing in this world. U just name it!

No matter how amazing that story is, that fairy tale will just raise what i called as FAIRY TALE GENERATION. The generation that believes that a good person will get a good return, and the bad one will get punished. It is of course, good to have a positive hope along this exhausting life, but it is also good to be aware that bad things may happen in life without reason. Come on, just admit it, shit happens in life. This is surely not a fairy tale. U eat or be eaten here, darling. So, what i mean is, just hope for the best, nothing wrong of that. Cinderella may hope that life will always be OK, but she also needs to be aware that life may go wrong. There may be cheating, affair, abusement, and she should definitely get ready for that.

A fairy tale generation will also trust anyone is as good as her. Of course its not ok to always judge on others, but its also healthy to be aware of them. For example, when a man says to a woman nowadays "i will call u later", they really dont mean it. So, if u are Cinderella kind of type, u will desperately wait for the man call, while he maybe roaming around with the other woman and not even think about u. Just admit that man nowadays are not prince charming anymore. And yes, u man, u can also say that we, women, are not cinderella type anymore. As u cheat, we get smarter of course. Come on, we are just following the game rule of yours!

It is of course sad, to be loudly say that, there is no true love anymore. Even no matter how much u hope on that, love will always have its HIDDEN AGENDA. Either it is for money, sex, authorities, there is NO such thing men and women can deal with each other with no reason. It is sad to say that it is hard to trust anyone this time. The sentence I LOVE U becomes blur, and lost its meaning. It is nothing but the justification to cheat the other party and get what they want from u. And..if u are that type of fairy tale generation, u will be left with no hope, sadness, as he sucks all of your happiness and cheats u all the way.

So, it is not about the HAPPILY EVER AFTER but its about WHAT HAPPEN AFTER HAPPILY EVER AFTER?

Still in India.

Nurul Kasyfita

Dear Man...

Hello readers.

This time i would like to talk about relationship between man and woman, which it is always interesting to talk about. As i believe, man and woman cant be friends, just like the classical movie named WHEN HARRY MET SALLY. I believe that either to be lovers, or enemies. Thats how man and woman is united. And this writing is deeply dedicated to all man in the world. It is a deep feeling of a woman. It is the truest emotion a woman can write in an open media. Its an open letter to all the man in the world. Here it is.

Dear man.
What is it that u are looking from a woman? When one day u saw a woman passing by, u decided to come to her. U ask her name, u compliment her. U chase her, u hunt her. At first, u saw her, she doesnt believe u. She doesnt want to open her world to u, and u keep trying for her. U make time, u give attention, u care. Because u want her. So, at that time, u want to get her trust, do u?

As the time goes by, the woman finally trusts u. She opens her world for u, allows u to step inside her life. She allows u to be involved with her. She hopes that u are true, she believes your word even there is no HONESTY MEASUREMENT in this world. She just believes in u. She hopes in u. Is that what u want, right? A trust, and u got it.

But its not enough for u, dear man. As u got her trust, the game is not interesting anymore. Your hunter blood has no more challenge. It is her, who always supports u, listens to u, being true to u, and she starts becomes boring for u. She is no longer a MUST HAVE item in your life, suddenly she is just a doormat where u step on to clean your dirt on your feet. She is no longer interesting. Her trust is no longer what u want. Because u got it. U want other thing to hunt. Other thing to chase.

Dear man.
She will see everything falling apart without even understand whats going on in your head. She will be in tears, and realize that u just take her trust and missuse it. Some of u, dear man, will just cruelly walk away, and wish her all the best to keep her scattered heart to be one again. But she will never be the same anymore. Its not easy to trust a man, its not easy to see that the trust is taken and thrown away on her face, its not easy to see all of that falling apart without reason. But what can she do? All she can do is just to collect every piece of her scattered heart and continue her life, even if its not the same anymore, right? While u, dear man, u will continue chasing a new item, a new trust, a new game.

So what do u want in this life? If any of u who ever cheated by a woman, its not fair to cheat the other innocent woman, for the sake of your pain in past. If its just u, who wants to enjoy life by selling love to all woman u met in your life, u can enjoy your life without hurting others, right. Its not fair if u want to play a game while she is being true to u. Its not fair to fight for her trust in the beginning, but then u just missuse that or even throw it on her face. If u still not sure of your feeling, pls stay away from her, dont invite her to open her heart, touch it, and just walk away. Its not fair.

Come on dear man.
U maybe just a man right now. Its easy to laugh on woman tears right now. Its easy to play with her trust, and start playing again with others. It maybe entertaining right now, to call a woman, make a date to five women at the same time. U must feel u are the most wanted man in the world. :-)

But just remember dear man.
U are maybe just a man right now. U can laugh now. Its funny to see how stupid a woman to trust u right now and u cheat her. But, u will be someday a FATHER OF A DAUGHTER. And its not funny anymore when u saw the same tears going from your daughter's eyes for the same reason when she is being cheated. U will feel broken as u wipe the tears on your daughter's face at that time. Its not funny anymore, right?

Or, even if u never be a father of a daughter tomorrow, minimum, now u are a BROTHER OF A SISTER, or A SON OF A MOTHER. There must be a woman around u, no matter what. For this reason, whatever u want to do, all the bad things, u plan for a woman, u will re consider it. Come on, u supposed to protect woman, dear man. Thus, u are created first by God. Thus, Adam is the first. Thus, woman is created after u. She was created from one of your rib. Woman is not created from your head bone, so that woman is not your leader to follow, she is not created from your feet bone, so that she is not designed to be under u. Woman is created from your rib bone, the bone near your heart. It means, woman is created to be cared, to be loved, to be protected, by u, dear man.

Please stop joking. Stop playing around. Stop chasing trust, then missuse it. Start being a gentleman who respects woman and care her trust, and appreciate her. Be with her as she trusted u. Love her and treat her right. Dont hurt others, even if it is funny to u. Because when the same reason happen to your daughter, sister, or mom, it will not be funny anymore.

Dear man. Be a good trusted man, who knows how to fight for the woman honor, and to respect it. Dont harm her after she trust u, be a good loving man for her. Love, feeling, trust, are not jokes. Because after u touch a woman heart, it will never ever be the same again. It will not...

Mysore, June 7 2014.

A woman,

Nurul Kasyfita

Thank God Its Friday (T.G.I.F)

Hey there!

Friday, it is! Time for welcoming the weekend. Different than in India, Friday is considered as the last working day in my country, Indonesia. Well, not for all, of course, public school opens on Saturday, however as I teach in University, Saturday is considered as off day for us, lecturers.

I think Friday is also considered as the last working day in many countries in the world. At least, i can compare the Friday ambience, between four countries, i.e, Indonesia, India, Malaysia and Singapore.

In Indonesia, usually Friday is considered as THE SHORT DAY. We stop working at 12 as the prayer jumah is coming in every corners. I really miss that condition, as in India, being a muslim is not as festive as in Indonesia. My class in university stops at 11.30 pm, and every man will go to Masjid for Juma Prayer. Some offices will open again after juma prayer, but my class in university usually off and i can enjoy my early coming weekend. :-)
The same thing i found in Malaysia, as it is the CONNECTING COUNTRY between India and Indonesia. In Malaysia, i found one masjid near my hotel cooks special food and shares to jamaah. Friday is also considered as sacred day when people collectively going for Jumah Prayer to masjid. There is not much difference between Malaysia and Indonesia.

In India, as i can feel, Friday is not too special here. It is definitely not the last working day in the week, and also the Jumah Prayer is not too festive here. I am lucky now i stay near a masjid, so minimum i can heal my miss of Friday atmosphere in my country. I can see some men going for prayer. I can hear the adzaan. So, it feels a bit like home. A bit, not much of course. Here i observe too, people are not too eager of welcoming weekend. Unlike in Indonesia, we will plan something to spend quality time during weekened. Either it is a vacation, dine out, swimming, stay in a hotel outside our hometown, u name it, we have special activity during weekend. And we plan it. Unlike in India, where people are just so-so in welcoming the weekend.

In Singapore, even i have never been there, but based on the story of my students whom are living there for three years, Singapore starts its weekend celebration on Friday evening. People are coming to streets, having dinner, or going for shopping. Strangely, on. Saturday morning, people spend their time by sleeping. So, the streets are quiet during Saturday. Life starts to crawl again on Saturday evening, when people start enjoying weekend part two. Singapore has less muslims compared to Malaysia and Indonesia, so the tradition of going for Juma prayer is not too common. Probably, the ambience is almost same as it is in India.

For me, my favorite of Friday is that it is the end of my work day, and even if Saturday i work, it is usually i call as LEISURE WORK. I usually teach outside my city to get extra income during the weekend. I also love the fact that Friday is a short day in my country. And...the perfume smell of some men going for Juma prayer in mosque :-). As it is sunna to use some of the fragrances to go for Juma pray, and, i will be the one who enjoys it.

And...whats for the weekend? For me, I do some leisure thing even when I am not in my country. Weekend is just too tempting to be passed. Here are some common things I do in weekend in India.
One, watch FRIENDS
Its an American serial, my favorite one. I usually cook what I love, make a hot milk, and sit by my laptop to watch it. I ignore all the assignments during this time. I do know how to embrace time by myself.
Two, have a late hot bath
I love it! Every weekend, i take a late bath, like almost my bedtime. I will do the whole favorite things then prepare hot water for bath. Its soo relaxing. After that, i will directly go to my bed and sleep. Hot milk, friends serial, and a rekaxing hot bath, what can i say? Its heaven!
Three, music
Yup, i love music A LOT! In weekend, i will listen happy music and dance by my own in the beginning and then have a slow relaxing one afterwards. Its soo much fun.
Four, park
Sometimes i can also go outside to enjoy the surrounding. And park is my favorite. And Mysore has many parks that i do love to hang out by myself. Alone? Yup, there is nothing more interesting than to be with my own.

Well, this will be my last Friday in India, people. Next week, at this time I will be between Malaysia and Indonesia. It is a farewell writing to India, as it will be my last post of Friday in India. Sad, as it is, but this is life. It should move forward, not stuck or going backward. So, I thank God its Friday. I thank God I have the most wonderful Friday along my two years in India. I thank God of YOU, who read my last post of Friday in India.

Lets celebrate weekend, people. Whats your plan this weekend? Whatever it is, we should say out loud, THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY!

Last friday post in India.

Mysore, 04.07.2014

Nurul Kasyfita

Seseorang yg salah di waktu yg salah

Hello readers.

Kali ini saya menulis dlm bhs indonesia saja sepertinya. Kangen euyy dg bahasa sendiri hehehe. Besides, saya kan menulis ttg seorang sahabat yg saya tdk ingin tahu bahwa ia sedang dibicarakan :-). Sssttt...be silent ya readers..

Hmmm...tulisan ini tentang kasih sayang. Bahwa kita bisa perduli dengan org lain, meskipun tidak memakai embel embel "pasangan". Kita bisa perduli dengan teman, sahabat, keluarga, bahkan musuh. Dan bagi saya, hati saya selalu mudah memaafkan. Hati saya mudah tersentuh dengan kebaikan. Dan seberapa pun saya disakiti, ditipu, dibohongi, dimanfaatkan, saya tidak pernah menyerah untuk percaya bahwa selalu ada orang baik di luar sana, meskipun persentasenya kecil sekali.

Bagi Anda yg menyimak kisah hidup saya, tentu sangat sulit sekali bagi saya utk mempercayai orang baru, siapapun itu. Namun bagi saya, ketakutan saya berkomitmen bukan karena saya tidak percaya dg org lain, tapi krn saya tdk percaya dg diri saya sendiri. Saya tidak percaya bahwa saya tdk akan berbuat kesalahan yg sama lagi. Deep down, saya merasa perceraian itu adalah krn saya. Mungkin saya membosankan, atau terlalu menuntut, hingga mahligai itu hancur, dan sehingga itu yg membuat saya menjauh dari ranah itu. Saya mengakui, itu bukan bidang saya dan tempat terbaik, saya adalah sekolah. Jadi saya tetap percaya ada org baik di luar sana, namun saya yg tdk oercays diri bahwa saya CUKUP BAIK untuk mereka.

Meskipun begitu, jika Anda menyimak curahan hati saya, terlihat jelas bahwa my love life tidaklah silent. Ada saja mereka yg entah iseng, entah real, yg mencoba mendekati saya yg sdh expired ini. Yah, saya menamakan diri saya expire krn jujur saya tdk punya kekuatan lgi untuk bertarung di dunia percintaan. Come on, saya sudah 30+, sdh punya anak satu, dengan latar belakamg hidup yg porak poranda, what to hope? Realistis saja, msh banyak perawan tingting yg eligible untuk dipinang, isnt it? So drpada take a risk ikut berlaga di ajang yg sudah jelas saya akan kalah, so saya lebih baik minggir saja. And thats exactly what i do. Saya minggir, memilih menyepi dengan buku dan akademik saya. Besides, saya tdk bisa menggantikan Najwa dg siapapun bayi berikutnya yg dituntut dari sebuah mahligai pernikahan yg baru. Ah, saya memang tdk siap utk itu.

Well, mari saya bercerita ttg sahabat saya. Jika Anda melihat timeline facebook saya, Anda akan melihat ada seorang anak muda yg rajin komen di status saya. Dia adalah orang yg salah, bernama salah dan datang di saat yg salah. Begitu saya menyebutnya. Dia bertemu saya saat saya baru saja dikibuli habis habisan oleh teman se negaranya. Jadilah salah, semakin salah. Ia selalu saya salahkan, seperti namanya. Meskipun begitu, ia, hingga hari ini, msh bertahan. Ia memang tidak berjanji apa apa pada saya bahkan tidak menyebut saya dengan embel embel pasangan. Ia menyebut dirinya saudara laki laki yg perduli. Ia paham saya tdk bisa percaya lgi dg segala ucapan yg keluar dri mulut laki laki, setelah teman senegaranya mengibuli saya habis habisan. Ia paham betapa jalan hidup saya di masa lalu tidak mudah untuk membuat saya percaya siapapun. Dan sebelum ia datang di hidup saya, saya justru bertemu teman senegaranya yg saya percaya, lalu mengibuli saya. A cheater. Jadilah salah, tumpuan kesalahan lelaki yg datang sebelumnya. Saya marah, saya salahkan, meski begitu salah tetap salah, bertahan, hingga hari ini.

Jujur saya tdk pernah memperhatikannya. Yes, saya tahu ia selalu komen di setiap postingan saya, tapi saya pikir, iseng. Ia baru mengontak saya secara pribadi saat saya menulis tentang benjolan 7 cm yg kini ada di dada saya dan di diagnosa dokter sebagai sel hidup yg numpang makan di tubuh saya. Ia menawarkan bantuan saat itu, tpi saya menanggapinya dingin. Saya hanya minta tolong utk membantu menjualkan motor saya. Dan ia benar benar memperhatikan itu. Ia tdk omong kosong, spt halnya org lain yg saya kenal. Hingga ia memperkenalkan saya pada seorg penjual motor di Mysore yg siap menerima motor saya. Saat itu, dengan sopan anak muda ini menawari saya minum kopi. Dan saya pun menerima itu. Toh hanya kopi. Itu pikiran saya.

Lalu, saya tidak online beberapa hari karena internet saya habis masa berlaku. Saya mendapat akses internet di kampus dan menemukan pesannya. Ia khawatir akan kesehatan saya. Ia bertanya apa saya baik baik saja. Saya pun mengirim pesan padanya mengabarkan saya akan online lagi pada awal juni krn saya tdk punya budget utk mengisi pulsa saat itu. Dan malamnya, tiba tiba ada seseorang mengirimkan pulsa internet di nomer saya yg saya gunakan untuk menelpon, bukan utk internet (saya menggunakan dua nomer berbeda di tab dan di handphone saya). Saya mengira yg mengirimkan adalah teman senegaranya yg jelas jelas a cheater. Lagi lagi salah tidak terlihat di mata saya. Ia lagi lagi salah. :-). Salah mengirimkan pulsa, salah karena saya tdk mengira itu dia. Baru seminggu setelah itu, saya sadar, itu adalah dia yg mengirimkan oulsa utk saya.

Anyway, saya menemui bahwa si cheater cuma bisa omong kosong. Si cheater yg berjanji will always be there ternyata tdk pernah ada when i need him the most. Yg datang ternyata si pemuda salah, yg tdk pernah sedikit pun terlintas di benak saya. Saat si cheater mengingkari janjinya, si pemuda salah menelpon saya dan mendapati saya menangis. Ia yg saat itu sdg makan, segera menemui saya dan berusaha membuat saya tersenyum. Ia yg selalu salah di mata saya, krn datang di saat yg salah dan bernama salah.

Hingga saat ini saya yakin pemuda ini hanya menganggap saya sahabatnya. Ia takut berkomitmen krn takut menyakiti, takut tdk mampu membahagiakan. Namun, ia dengan jelas berkata pada saya, tdk perlu berjanji muluk untuk menunjukkan kita peduli. Saat kita peduli dengan keadaan seseorang, meskipun kita bukan lah pasangan, kita bisa tetap selalu ada utk mereka. Dan hingga saat ini saya tdk pernah percaya janjinya. Termasuk janjinya bahwa ia akan mengantar saya ke airport di Bangalore krn si cheater lagi lagi mengingkari janjinya. Dan janjinya yg lain bahwa ia sedang meng cancel tiket ke negaranya dan berusaha terbang ke Malaysia. Yg membuat saya tersentuh adalah si pemuda salah ini selalu berusaha bertanggung jawab atas kesalahan yg dilakukan teman senegaranya. Ia saat ini juga sdg berusaha mem booking mobil untuk saya agar saya bisa mengunjungi sebuah tempat wisata di sekitar Mysore. Ini juga terjadi karena si cheater lagi lagi membatalkan janjinya. So si pemuda salah ini sedang berusaha membayar kesalahan yg dilakukan teman senegaranya. Meskipun tentu saja itu bukan salahnya.

Well, saya tetap belum bisa mempercayai kebaikannya. Namun, saya bersykur saya tdk sendiri saat ini. Minimum saya memiliki teman tempat saya berbagi. Dan ia paham betapa sulitnya saya untuk percaya lagi. Namun, ia selalu berkata ia tidak akan berkata jika itu tidak nyata. So, i will see. Apakah si pemuda salah akan benar benar menyertai saya. Apakah ia benar benar akan membuktikan janjinya. Toh, tidak ada rasa di antara kami. Ia hanya menunjukkan ia mampu peduli tanpa embel embel asmara. Baginya tdk perlu ucapan, ia akan buktikan ia real, ia nyata, ia bisa diandalkan kapan pun saya memerlukan bantuannya. Hingga saat ini, sudah beberapa kali ia menunjukkan bahwa ia menganggap saya penting dalam hidupnya. Berbeda dengan si cheater, yg hanya pintar menebar janji manis, pemuda ini terlalu takut utk berjanji dg saya. Ia cenderung membuktikan ucapannya. Ia cuma berkata jika kita menganggap seseorang itu penting, kita akan menyediakan waktu utk mereka. We will make time, dan tidak ada yg menghalangi seorg laki laki utk peduli dengan siapa pun. Meskipun kita bukan pasangannya. Ia menunjukan pada saya bahwa saya cukup penting baginya, seorang saudara perempuan yg hrs dilindungi, diperhatikan, dan dibahagiakan. Itu kata katanya.

Meskipun ia selalu saya salahkan. Meskipun ia bernama salah, datang di saat yg salah, i will see apakah ia juga orang yg salah untuk saya percayai. Hingga saat ini, pemuda ini masih bisa membuktikan ucapannya. Well, i will wait and see...

Mysore, 5 Juni 2014

Still in India.

Nurul Kasyfita

Maleficent: as love will always forgive

Good evening everyone.

I juat finished my appointment with one of the doctor in cancer hospital in Mysore, well, regarding to my 7 cm happy growing cell. And now i am sitting in my favorite park, with my favorite companion, my tablet and myself. I remembered i sit in this park many times, just to release the nerve. I used to sit here with one friend i hoped to be here, but as u know, i really dont like bothering anyone, and i prefer to sit here, all by myself. My memory actually couldnt tolerate me. I remembered some nice moments i spent here with him, even how short and how fragile it was. I remembered i ran to a bird just to bother it, and i laughed. I remembered the way he hide my jacket just to tease me, but now i am embracing all those moments, all by myself.

Well, the appointment was ok. But i dont want to talk aboit its details here. Its already painful to handle all of this alone and force myself to stay strong. The worst is...i may lose right side of my chest, as now the pain is getting more intensed now. Yeah, even Angellina Jolie lost both of her chests due this damn monster, right? So, i must be as sexy as her to be given by this type of hump on my chest. But well, lets talk about other thing, this park is just sooo amazing to be spoiled with sadness of mine.

Talking about Angellina Jollie, today i watched one of her movies, called as MALEFICENT. For u whom havent watched, its a story how a true love can always forgive. Maleficent is a strong fairy woman. She builds her own kingdom, and she is fine by herself. Until one day, she met a boy named Stefan. For the first time in her life, Maleficent trusts Stefan, whom is a human, not a fairy as she is. Shortly, Maleficent gives her true feeling to Stefan, while Stefan has a hidden agenda of KILLING MALEFICENT in order to be the king. Maleficent loves him with all her heart, waiting for Stefan each and every night, even Stefan never comes back to her for long time. One night, Stefan is back. He called Maleficent, and as she loves him so much, she trusts Stefan and spends the night. All the waiting has over, and Maleficent slept in her nicest dream beside the man she loves. In morning, she found Stefan has gone by cutting her powerful wings. She was screaming for being cheated, as the wings is so important for her, and she can never fly again. Suddenly, her world becomes dark and bitter. There is NOTHING more painful than trusting the wrong person.

However, her love is never finished. She will always love Stefan, even if Stefan never love her back. Call her stupid, but thats how a true love can do. It forgives, no matter what. It waits, no matter how long. It hopes, no matter how empty it is.

Well, finally, even Maleficent has the chance to kill Stefan, she didnt do it. She allows him to go. It was Stefan who always wants to kill her. And finally, Stefan was killed by his own greediness. U must watch the movie itself to get more detailed of course ;-).

Readers, it must be hard for any of us, to trust anyone. One time, there is a stranger came to your life, offers a help, and promise that he will always be there. Maybe at that time, u were fine by yourself. Life is flat, but safe. Wake up, breakfast, going to work or college, study, sleep, all the boring routine of course. Suddenly, there is a STEFAN came. All the routine suddenly gone. In beginning, he may always be there. He MAKES TIME, DOES EFFORT, to be with u. He will find the smallest reason just to hear your voice or sending message. U spend hours and hoyrs talking about nothing with him.

First, u didnt want to open your heart to him. U were fine by yourself. But as heart speaks, u trusts him. But as it happens, human is not permanent. People change. And suddenly, it is u, whom is waiting for him, it is u, whom make excuses to meet him, or just to listen to his voice. And suddenly, he is always busy. He can not make even two minutes to talk to u. He has something more important. Suddenly, the world becomes upside down. Laughter changes to tears, stability becomes chaos, and u just know u were hurt by love.

Sometimes it maybe your mistake. Maybe u are just not interesting enough, or u just change his mood, so he just walks away. Or probably, u are the most boring person in the world, so he cant spend even one minute talking to u. It must be painful, of course. But as i said, love will always forgive.

Of course it is not fair to stop the relationship on one side. It is not fair to come to anyone's life and then just walk away. It is not fair to be always ready in the beginning but turns out to be always busy in the middle if the relationship. It hurts the other side. Especially if the other side is woman just like Maleficent. If u want to stop the relationship, u should make the other side to become ready. It doesnt work out like a machine. Love doesnt work that way. It takes years and years of bitterness to finally can trust again.

But as i said, love forgives. So even if he sent message only one time in one day, or even not, just like Stefan, whenever he can send message, a woman with the love in her heart will always forgive. Even if he never think of yhe woman, she always think of him. Even she can not eat, she still thinks whether he eats or not. And now, as he wants to change, even if its unfair, she should always be strong. Just like Maleficent after lost her wings. She cant fly, her life is just darkness. However, once she saw Stefan, her heart will always forgive.

And for the power of love, even i am alone here, even i am in confusion, i will always forgive u. I will always wait until u can see the love i always have for u. It maybe years, or even never. But as i give u all of me, i will always win, for giving u the truest feeling.

Its time to ride my bike to home, and being with myself again. Thank u for reading until this line.

Mysore, June 3 2014

My last month in India

Nurul Kasyfita