Good evening everyone.
I juat finished my appointment with one of the doctor in cancer hospital in Mysore, well, regarding to my 7 cm happy growing cell. And now i am sitting in my favorite park, with my favorite companion, my tablet and myself. I remembered i sit in this park many times, just to release the nerve. I used to sit here with one friend i hoped to be here, but as u know, i really dont like bothering anyone, and i prefer to sit here, all by myself. My memory actually couldnt tolerate me. I remembered some nice moments i spent here with him, even how short and how fragile it was. I remembered i ran to a bird just to bother it, and i laughed. I remembered the way he hide my jacket just to tease me, but now i am embracing all those moments, all by myself.
Well, the appointment was ok. But i dont want to talk aboit its details here. Its already painful to handle all of this alone and force myself to stay strong. The worst is...i may lose right side of my chest, as now the pain is getting more intensed now. Yeah, even Angellina Jolie lost both of her chests due this damn monster, right? So, i must be as sexy as her to be given by this type of hump on my chest. But well, lets talk about other thing, this park is just sooo amazing to be spoiled with sadness of mine.
Talking about Angellina Jollie, today i watched one of her movies, called as MALEFICENT. For u whom havent watched, its a story how a true love can always forgive. Maleficent is a strong fairy woman. She builds her own kingdom, and she is fine by herself. Until one day, she met a boy named Stefan. For the first time in her life, Maleficent trusts Stefan, whom is a human, not a fairy as she is. Shortly, Maleficent gives her true feeling to Stefan, while Stefan has a hidden agenda of KILLING MALEFICENT in order to be the king. Maleficent loves him with all her heart, waiting for Stefan each and every night, even Stefan never comes back to her for long time. One night, Stefan is back. He called Maleficent, and as she loves him so much, she trusts Stefan and spends the night. All the waiting has over, and Maleficent slept in her nicest dream beside the man she loves. In morning, she found Stefan has gone by cutting her powerful wings. She was screaming for being cheated, as the wings is so important for her, and she can never fly again. Suddenly, her world becomes dark and bitter. There is NOTHING more painful than trusting the wrong person.
However, her love is never finished. She will always love Stefan, even if Stefan never love her back. Call her stupid, but thats how a true love can do. It forgives, no matter what. It waits, no matter how long. It hopes, no matter how empty it is.
Well, finally, even Maleficent has the chance to kill Stefan, she didnt do it. She allows him to go. It was Stefan who always wants to kill her. And finally, Stefan was killed by his own greediness. U must watch the movie itself to get more detailed of course ;-).
Readers, it must be hard for any of us, to trust anyone. One time, there is a stranger came to your life, offers a help, and promise that he will always be there. Maybe at that time, u were fine by yourself. Life is flat, but safe. Wake up, breakfast, going to work or college, study, sleep, all the boring routine of course. Suddenly, there is a STEFAN came. All the routine suddenly gone. In beginning, he may always be there. He MAKES TIME, DOES EFFORT, to be with u. He will find the smallest reason just to hear your voice or sending message. U spend hours and hoyrs talking about nothing with him.
First, u didnt want to open your heart to him. U were fine by yourself. But as heart speaks, u trusts him. But as it happens, human is not permanent. People change. And suddenly, it is u, whom is waiting for him, it is u, whom make excuses to meet him, or just to listen to his voice. And suddenly, he is always busy. He can not make even two minutes to talk to u. He has something more important. Suddenly, the world becomes upside down. Laughter changes to tears, stability becomes chaos, and u just know u were hurt by love.
Sometimes it maybe your mistake. Maybe u are just not interesting enough, or u just change his mood, so he just walks away. Or probably, u are the most boring person in the world, so he cant spend even one minute talking to u. It must be painful, of course. But as i said, love will always forgive.
Of course it is not fair to stop the relationship on one side. It is not fair to come to anyone's life and then just walk away. It is not fair to be always ready in the beginning but turns out to be always busy in the middle if the relationship. It hurts the other side. Especially if the other side is woman just like Maleficent. If u want to stop the relationship, u should make the other side to become ready. It doesnt work out like a machine. Love doesnt work that way. It takes years and years of bitterness to finally can trust again.
But as i said, love forgives. So even if he sent message only one time in one day, or even not, just like Stefan, whenever he can send message, a woman with the love in her heart will always forgive. Even if he never think of yhe woman, she always think of him. Even she can not eat, she still thinks whether he eats or not. And now, as he wants to change, even if its unfair, she should always be strong. Just like Maleficent after lost her wings. She cant fly, her life is just darkness. However, once she saw Stefan, her heart will always forgive.
And for the power of love, even i am alone here, even i am in confusion, i will always forgive u. I will always wait until u can see the love i always have for u. It maybe years, or even never. But as i give u all of me, i will always win, for giving u the truest feeling.
Its time to ride my bike to home, and being with myself again. Thank u for reading until this line.
Mysore, June 3 2014
My last month in India
Nurul Kasyfita
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