I posted this writing to mark my last full day in Mysore. I finished my two years of studying here and tomorrow i am ready to fly back home.
First of all, i would like to share that I regret to attend the one and only party i ever attended in Mysore. I was safe and sound in my nest, being in my own with books and life in colleges. However, i attended a GRADUATION PARTY which makes me exposed to foreigners, some people i have never been in contact with, in these two years.
As i believe, that as the same foreigners we should take care of each other, as we are the same here, we have no families, so we are all families. While I am always give the truest part of me, i never want to use others, and help them with nothing in return, people tend to take advantage of me. I never hope for romance, dating, flirting, as I am enough with myself. Two years i have been in my safe nest and i found my life is isolated but best to be that way.
Well, that party changed everything. Suddenly, people came to know about me. They sent message by my account, trying to offer what they said as FRIENDSHIP, or call me as SISTER in the beginning. As one kind and polite one, i believe what they said and i hoped that everyone is different and that foreigners are better than locals because they will take care of each other.
And, i turned out to be wrong. While i dont want anything from others, other than just a real friendship, it looks like friendship is not interesting if it doesnt involve romance or using others. Yes, short romance in other country. Enjoying the time, time pass, as by the end of this study, the couple will be separated by the passport color, and that will be the perfect reason, a sweet goodbye :-).
I helped people with genuine heart. When i go out with a friend, i never use his money to pay for me. I dont want to use others but pls dont use me as well. However, it is wrong by the way. People have their hidden agenda, and i am a perfect victim to be eaten, as I dont want to eat anyone. And of course, i ended up being the STUPID WOMAN, as one foreigner said to me a couple months ago.
This post is to say one by one, whatever i felt about how foreigners treat me here, after that graduation.
To the one in Tamil Nad. Thank u for talking with me, and stop as soon as u know my fact. That is really Allah way to stop u there. I am blessed by that.
To the one in pharmacy of jss college. It is not a reason to stop being friends with me just because i want to pay my own bill in a restaurant. And once again, if u dont want anything from me, other than friendship, u should take me that way. I dont want to use u anyway.
To the one whoever called me Jan. I am also blessed that u didnt take a step further. The way Allah stops u there, really really bless me.
To the one, M.Sc Computer Science, i really hope that everything that u have promised me but never come true will be back to u in Allah way. Allah way will never be wrong. I am nothing but true to u, but u saw me as the perfect foolish. So, anyway, thank u for giving me that lesson. Whatever u have done to me, it will not stop in me. There is a circle, a mechanism of returning. I remembered the whole promise u gave me, but very less that u make it true. I just offered u the real friendship in the beginning, but u successfully convert that. I will never say or pay u back, my prayer is with u. U have sister, mom, a daughter in future, they will be in the same position as mine. I will never know how Allah pay u back, but i believe it will happen. Because i never want to cheat anyone, i am cheated. But i believe, there will be a mechanism for that. Not in here, it must be in akheerat.
Last but not least, to the one who called me A SISTER in the begining.
In the beginning, i never offered u anything other than friendship, even u called me sister. I feel safe because i met u and u said u will never take relationship. So i thought this will the best friend. But again, it looks like a friendship is not interesting without romance. I tried to limit myself, because i simply dont want to get hurt anymore, once u are changed. And i am right. U changed. Whatever the fact that i had, it should not change the memory we have as a friend. But it is not like that for u. U easily changed yr words and promise. Thank u for throwing all the gifts i prepared for all of u, even i saved my money between my cancer treatment for that. I know, a friendship is not wonderful enough these days. The days when everything is connected to materialism. So even love should be displayed as gold. Something that i will never take.
So, this is it. My final post in this group. For others who doesnt know me, or never contact me, i deeply thank u for that. Its better that way. For all the committee of the party, it was a great successful party, but considering the hurt i got afterwards, i prefer to NEVER ATTENDED that party. I was so much safe and sound in my nest.
This is a coming home. I finished my quran reading here in India before i fly, as i planned. Along with the prayers for those who cheats others and for those whom are cheated. I am done. I have done my best to keep pure friendship with all of u. Even if that hurts me so. Just remember, for once in yr life, u will be in my position, whatever has happened, it will be back to u. Either to yr mom, yr sister, wife or future daughter.
And for me i am done. Life has been very hard for me, with all the disease, but i am not cheating others just to get my needs. With my own woman power, i crawl and do my best to keep myself alive. I finished my quran reading in India, along with my prayer to Allah to forgive me, and to accept me to come home. Even if the home is not to Indonesia, my duty has been fulfilled. Even if this homecoming, is homecoming to akheerat. I have no unfinished bussiness here in this world.
Life is not eternal. Why would we fight over a thousand rupees? Or we cheat others just because we want extra money? Why we cheat woman? This is not immortal. We will all be coming home, the real home, where all our deeds are paid. So even if u lied, u cheated, someday, soon, it will be back. Afterall, i am just a polite woman who wants a true friendship. Which i never get. And i am done. May Allah continue and pays who deserves.
Last day in Mysore. Last post.
Nurul Kasyfita
No comments:
Post a Comment